IMChurchmouse's Xanga

What about "He will never let the righteous fall"?

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 19:39:07 GMT

It all began with a friend posting Psalm 55:22 (Give your burdens to the LORD, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.) as a source of comfort to someone I don't know. Somehow it struck me like so many "Prosperity Preachers" talk, and I had to readjust the focus - just in case that was where they were going with that verse. So here was my response:

Just thought I'd share some of what I have been thinking lately on that subject.

I don't know how we would define "fall" in this instance; but when I look around I see a lot of people trying hard to figure out how to deal with what's happened to their lives. They wonder how they lost their jobs, though their bosses agreed they had done good and even great work. Then they saw their ability to keep their homes being threatened or downright lost. They've lost their means of keeping their transportation in good repair, too. They've got other family concerns like how to find the funds to keep kids in school or other programs that nurture their talents and abilities. They wonder what they have done so wrong that they are in a failing situation, and what is the formula that will have God stepping up to intervene as He is supposed to do.

This is where the rain of our economic times is falling on both the just and the unjust (Matthew 5:45), I think. So many people are still trying to prioritize their situations, and don't often consider that their expectations might be a bit unrealistic. We have been taught to expect God to keep our families from experiencing hunger, and yet we don't see that God did allow that to happen, even in Biblical history. It wasn't always due to some sin that people suffered either - and here I can see you looking at Job right along with me. Yeah, him.

How often do people consider that while he may have had other children and many other flocks and servants that made him wealthy and blessed later in his life, he still would have times where he mourned the deaths of his first children, and the servants that were like friends? I mention the servants, too, because he may have expected some of them to outlive him and help his kids learn how to care for his legacy - only they were lost or killed in the ruin of his life through no fault on his or their parts.

How about Jesus' life? He didn't get the welcome he deserved, and he admitted that he had no place to lay his head - he was homeless (Matt 8:20, Luke 9:58). We somehow think that we're guaranteed a good life standard as long as we are not in any religious persecution, but that's not always the case. It doesn't mean that God is not on the job or that He has abandoned us because of sin in our lives either. It just means that He has a different plan, and that if we are to be faithful, we have to set a stride that says, "though he slay me, I will still hope in him." (Job 13:15) Over and over again, we learn that His love isn't conditional, once we have come to love Him. Ours shouldn't be conditional either.

Don't let my comment make you think I've got it all worked out: I'm still struggling to keep my eyes on eternity as I face the real possibility of being homeless (AGAIN, God?). This is tough, especially when this human life begins to feel really bad and hurtful. I work on remembering that I am a spiritual being in a human experience, and not a human being with a spiritual experience. Things may get much worse, and they really ARE much worse in other places, to other people who are faithful believers.

That's all I wanted to say...

love ya!
Dodi

PS: btw, as I consider being homeless again, I remember what made it so tough the last times I was out of a home.

Before: I had no phone number for prospective employers to call. Thank God for cell phones that can even be used with prepaid minutes!
Before: no place to wash up or shower, other than a gas station rest room. Now there are truck stops that have that all available for free or very cheaply - if you can get to them. During the summer months, any state park has shower facilities that can be used for free, too.
Before: no address to have benefit checks mailed to. Thank God for direct deposit! As long as you have a bank account, you have a place for money to land.

There are a lot of things to thank God for, even in a downturn. For right now, I'm going to enjoy my home for as long as I have it, and I am going to keep trying to find a job that will allow me to keep it. He is still the God of miracles!

God Has Come To Us

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 18:39:28 GMT

I was dressing in a hurry to get to work the first time I remember hearing this song clearly. It took me three more years before I could afford to find and buy the CD. I love music of all kinds, as many of you might have guessed by now; but this one is special because it's not fussy.

I kind of see the Bethlehem story in the same manner. God came down to take on human form, leaving glorious heaven to be a baby. Helpless, vulnerable, and having to go through the growth and maturation processes so that He could say, "I understand" and we could believe it - he limited Himself.

No fuss, the angels sang to the shepherds. I wonder how He managed to rein them in - away from Him? While there was a star, it was for the Magi to follow, not for the wicked King to send his soldiers to do the same. "Wonderful song of the angels, ringing from heaven above..."

No fuss, here's a manger and the stuff of healthy animals all around. It was enough, and there you were laid. "Away in a manger no crib for a bed..."

No fuss, but so many prophecies fulfilled that I cannot count them; but theologians will wax a plenty on the incredible odds of anyone fulfilling all that Yeshua/Jesus did. So many songs tell good parts of the story, "How silently, how silently, the wondrous gift is giv'n..."

But for now, this song says it very simply and nicely. Please stop the player on top, and give this song an ear. Very celtic, Sheila Walsh singing in my key as always :).

Merry Christmas Dear Peeps

Jstickman - RIP

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:19:47 GMT

So many other Xangans knew him better than I. I merely enjoyed his way of expressing himself.

I will miss his posts in my daily scroll through my subscriptions, because he died very suddenly on Sunday, Dec 13th. His brother does not say how, but he did thoughtfully post all of the information about his passing on his site: Jstickman.

Please keep this family in your prayers. Not just for the funeral; but for the job of closing all of their beloved's doors for the last time. For the task of putting his things away for the last time, and for the heartbreak of disposing of all of the things that were a part of their beloved's life. This is never easy, even when death is expected. It's a real challenge when it comes out of nowhere.

Bless you all...

Eggnog time!

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 00:34:13 GMT

I am still in the middle of my church's Christmas Musical frenzy, though we are on a break until Friday when we have our next performance and Cast Party. I will have my grandnieces as my guests on that night, and I will bring them backstage to see how I apply the stage make up on the cast. I also hope that they might have some acting bug bite them since they moved near to my church. I can hope, right? On Saturday, I will have an early dinner with my older son, his wife and her mother, before I hurry out to Cast Call. They will stay and come a bit later and see the musical. My younger son and his wife had dinner and saw the musical this past Saturday. I had my birth mother in on Friday, too. What's really puzzling to me is that somehow almost everyone can come to see it this year, and it's not the most impressive show we've ever done. Somehow, it just worked out for this one.

Since the first night of Hanukkah is this Friday, I will not be able to let my candles burn all the way out as they should. I will still light the first one with the servant candle at sundown though! I will try to have some latkes for my early dinner, too. As a pilgrim of a Messianic congregation, I have much to learn; but my Rabbi is happy to give me more and more books to learn from, lol.

Anyway...

Finally! The tree is up, and garlanded with my favorite clear garland beads. I know it won't be to everyone's taste, but I think it was my one "I am female" touch to the tree when I had a family that consisted of Papa and two sons. Now it just adds more sparkle in the darkened room.

As I stood back and looked at the tree at what I call "stage two" (stage one is out of box, set up and fluffed to look natural, two is lit and garlanded with tree skirt, three is completely covered with the ornaments that made it out of the box), I realized that there are real reasons and influences that brought me to decorating one the way I do. I know other folks do, too.

For instance, I like to use multicolored lights that have action settings. If I find some inexpensive LED types that have that option, I'll buy 'em :). So far, I've only found them in "steady on". Now, many other folks think that only white lights are right for the tree, and that's ok. I like trees with those, too. As a matter of fact, I haven't met a decorated Christmas tree that I haven't liked! I just can't live with all of 'em, lol. The multicolored lights were what my parents had when you had those large screw in bulbs for the tree itself (now we only see those for decorating the houses). When the innovative tiny "Italian lights" debuted, those were screw in types, too, believe it or not. I remember the first bunch my folks got were round with what looked like grains of sugar coating them. They looked magical to me! I like that they are called Fairy Lights by many people.

Ok, so now you know why they are multicolored, but why must they have action? My step mom loved them when they "sparkled" or "twinkled". When I visited my father's home while he was married to her, and her parent's home with many members of her huge very ebullient family, they all had variants of some kind of active lights. So, I came to associate specialty action lights with lots of food, fun, happy noises and an affectionate circle, though not all activity would be seen as affectionate. Her family was a contentious lot, but they honestly loved each other and LIFE with a passion. So, that's what I have to have.

One problem with lights that twinkle or follow a programed action is that there are "dark" moments when all the lights have gone out at once. Another problem is that they don't end with a plug on the end for my star to plug into. That meant I had to add another string with a plug in it, and it ended up being steady on white lights. It worked out that I would have Hanukkah colors on the tree (blue and white) every few cycles (hooray for my Hanukkah bush!), as well as just having that "candle light" touch every now and then.

My tree has too few lights for my stepmom to love. When she decorated her tree, you could read a book by hers if it's the only light in the room! I have too many lights for my birth mother to enjoy, and she wouldn't like the "action" ones. My foster father loved bubble lights and cheered when they returned for him to purchase before he died. I don't have any of those; but I think of him every time I see them. I have considered buying some in his memory, but I haven't had the money and honestly - they would belong on HIS tree, not mine.

When I decorate the tree with ornaments, there will be handmade ones, wooden ones, shiny glass baubles, and blown glass shaped ornaments that remind me of my birth father's early German ornaments when I was a very young girl. I have ornaments that mean different things for different times, and I have some new ones I have to fit into the new memories. I tend to collect nativity ornaments, and I did find some interesting new ones to add this year. Luckily for me, I have evergreen garland (with multicolored lights, steady on) on the divider in my living room, so I have more than just the tree to display ornaments with :wide happy grin of pleasure:

So, when you decorate YOUR tree...what guides your plan? Is there a theme (color, type, etc.) that you enjoy doing? How often do you change your themes? C'mon! Give me some details!

I want it all!

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 16:19:05 GMT

I was looking at a catalog of my birth mother's, and I found out that if I went on line, I could find more deals for the same stuff. Once I went to their site, I was pleased to find more than the catalog had, and that there were real deals there that the catalog didn't have.

As I considered ordering something, I did my first thing of "is this need or greed?" This comes from knowing that they not only look and sound alike, but that they feel alike, too; and only real consideration can discern the difference. I admitted to myself that it was more greed than need, and then I wondered why I was falling into that, considering that I am 1) Unemployed and living on a VERY limited income and 2) My budget has already been compromised for this pay period and the next. I'm really a practical soul, as even my ex husband will testify, so I wondered what was going on?

I looked at the pictures and realized something that I knew before, since I used to work in Marketing. The thing is, I didn't see it working on me this time. The pictures of the object that I was thinking of ordering showed it in a lovely home setting. I realized that I was responding to the desire for that HOME more than the object itself. I wanted what the picture evoked - a feeling of domestic stability, tranquility and beauty more than the actual object, when I really took the time and examined myself. What helped me to figure this out is that there were times I went ahead and bought the item I wanted, and when I got it home it was baffling to me as to how I would incorporate it the way I thought I could or would when I bought it. This is why I thank God for my mistakes. I avoided making one this time, cause I hadn't avoided it before.

I don't want to become cynical, as I see some of my dear ones do when they are resisting the impulse to buy something, though. I want to appreciate the object for its beauty, practicality and for what it did to make me smile when I saw it. I just want to be ever more honest about how I don't need to buy it, and perhaps help my bitter beloveds see that they can do the same without having to attack the thing they feel threatened to destroy their budgetary plans over. That's cause part of our economy depends on consumerism, and we all earn money when someone spends some. I don't want to be angry cause I'm not the one spending right now. I just want to be ready to be willing to spend when I DO have the money to spare, and to do it in a more satisfying way.

The reason I came here to write this, is cause I know that during this time of year, I wasn't just buying gifts for my loved ones back when I had a decent income. I was buying for myself as well. And why not? Some of the big ticket items are dramatically marked down at better prices than I will find the rest of the year. Some things I buy for myself so that I can more easily hostess a family gather (like getting a better stereo to play Christmas music with, or Christmas themed china to lay out with the food), too. The thing is, I know a lot of you are out there shopping and buying things for yourself, and that's fun, and often a practical thing to do. However, I know some of you are doing what I have done before: getting things home and wondering "why did I buy this?" Be brave and laugh at yourself a bit as you take it back for refund before they mark it down again (it's best if you have the receipt of course).

Likewise, don't give your spouse or other family member a caustic or sarcastic tongue-lashing if you can plainly see what they can't: that the item they bought was inappropriate. Sometimes it isn't until we've tried to integrate something into our lives that we see that it really won't integrate, and it was a plainly bad buy to begin with. Be kind about their blind spot concerning the item, and just realize that it may be a lifestyle they are wishing to promote with that item. Maybe their desire isn't such a bad thing, and there may even be ways that you can help them to realize their dream that the item inspired. I know that I have a sister with MUCH better decorating sense than I, and when I'd tease her about an item she'd buy in the store, I'd have to gape with amazement when I saw how she used it in her home. It was usually gorgeous, practical and inspired when done her way. Nothing I could emulate by a long shot. I learned to watch and wait more when shopping with other folks, is my point.

So, let's be careful out there about what we buy, sure. In my case, I am glad that I didn't buy that item, since I will probably never have a home like the picture showed. My imagination was for a home that would support a family life with many people in it. I am not at that age anymore, so it was unrealistic of me to want it. But let's always be careful of how we comment on other person's purchases, in spite of the lessons we are learning. Just cause we don't see what they see, or even if they see something that isn't happening NOW, doesn't mean that they are never going to see it happen. Why kill a dream? I've enjoyed seeing their dreams happen more than I have enjoyed tearing them down - y'know?

Happy Hanukkah! (got latkes?)

and Merry Christmas!

"Fra-GEE-lay. Must be Italian."

Do you Hate the Holidays?

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:41:17 GMT

Like so many parents with young children, my husband and I needed an extra income to make Christmas special for our kids. Since my husband worked second shift, and the kids were young enough to take naps in the afternoon, I usually worked as holiday help for a large retail store. There were years we didn't do that, and God was good. One year, someone rang the doorbell and then ran away before we answered, leaving packages with everyone's name on them (what a thrill! We got a remote controlled car for the boys to share along with many other gifts, and they wore it out.). We never found out who did it, but we posted thank you cards at church, since there weren't too many places that people knew all of our names or what the kids would like. These people were evidently familiar with us.

Another year, apparently someone was cleaning out their kids' toy clutter, and my husband happened to see some of the toys falling out after he got off work at midnight. He stopped, checked the black garbage bags that were set there near the street by the trash cans. Though he saw there were five bags stuffed with toys, he only brought home one to see what I'd think. I was floored by the quality of the things that were coming out, and I asked if he was ok with going back and getting the rest of them. He was. I was up until almost sunrise, cleaning and sanitizing those toys. Then I re-bagged them and hid them from the kids. We ended up with one bag going into the apartment dumpster with broken toys; but there were two other bags left with wonderful Fisher Price play houses, large Legos, small legos, and other wonderful things. I shared the whole prize with another family a bit worse off than us, and they were just as tickled to be able to give their young kids (they don't notice packaging at preschool ages yet) wonderful toys, too! Thanks to that wonderful woman, my husband and myself, along with two other families, had more than enough gifts to give our kids that year. She may not have liked seeing that someone picked up her trash, or maybe she might have thought we were icky people. I don't care. I said more than a few prayers for her and her willingness to put those toys in bags apart from the rest of her trash, so that we could feel ok about using them for our kids. I mean, the ages were perfect for the things she threw out!

But, back to the times I was able to get a holiday job. The two holidays I worked at the store, I'd get there before the sun was up, and often before the snowplows were done clearing away the night's snowfall. We only had one car, so I made sure I'd always be home before my husband had to leave for work at the nearby factory. By getting to the store that early, I'd be able to get enough hours in before leaving for home.

My first job was to set up the cigarettes, and that took at least two hours. My next job was in the Christmas section, and I spent the day there refreshing the stock, until I was needed on a cash register. This was back when you had to key in the amounts of the purchase, so it was all rigorous work. I'd frequently come home with my feet tired and sore from standing all day, and hungry since I never ate at work. Thankfully, my kids were willing to let me make their dinner without much fuss. After they waved good bye to Dad, they'd usually play pretty nicely with each other, or sit and tell me whatever they wanted to, while I worked in cleaning the kitchen so that I could prepare dinner and then finally get off my feet for the evening.

What I loved most about working in that job, was that when I'd come in early, no other lights (other than the "trouble lights") were on but the Christmas trees that were on display. I'd always have to walk past them to the break room where I would hang my coat and lock up my purse. I'd put my uniform coat on along with my name tag and then begin the work on the cigarettes, with a really quiet store that only had the Christmas music playing by then. As I would near the end of my work in the back, I'd begin to hear more things over the intercom, and just as I would finish restocking all the cigarette shelves, the customers would come in. Then I'd be able to put the new stuff out in the Christmas area, and answer any questions for customers.

I remember that it was after the 15th of December (cause that was our anniversary), when one woman timidly asked me a question about something in the Christmas stock area, and I gave her the answer that she was looking for. She smiled, said thank you, and then carefully began, "I bet you're really tired of Christmas by now."

I stopped putting out the new stuff, and straightened up to grin with my answer, "Heck, No! I love all things Christmas! I love the music, the decorations, and I love that I get to work right here in the thick of it." She smiled back with a sense of relief and said, "Me, too!" We both began to chuckle, and then I told her how wonderful it felt to come in early in the morning and just see all the Christmas trees all lit up so quietly and lovely. She agreed that it had to be a warm and lovely sight, and off she went to get the rest of her shopping done. I felt good about our little exchange, cause I could see I kind of gave her permission to enjoy the holiday. I felt bad for her, since she seemed not to have enough folks in her life who would be safe to do that with.

I know that there are some folks out there who let themselves get stressed out and then blame it on the holiday for being flawed. They just don't see that the holiday is what YOU make it to be. Those grumpy people don't have to make it bad for the rest of us. I'll see your scowling face after I've accidentally bumped you in the store, and I will still smile and say I'm sorry and that I was glad it was my hip and not my bosom, lol. If you don't like a particular song that happens to play over the intercom, then sing a counter song to it, or change the lyrics and grin like you have a secret (cause you will at that point, lol). Stop letting what happens around you, control you. You have the choice, and I hope that you will choose to make the best of life while you live it.

We only get one trip through this life at any given moment. I'll never be 30 years old again, and I'm glad that I did 30 well enough not to feel bad about not having any "do overs". There were other years I regret not doing so well; and I have had to return to some people and make amends for things I didn't regret fast enough. As long as we repair yesterday wherever possible, we can face tomorrow with lighter shoulders. And so we go onward making better choices for learning the lessons from the wrong ones.

If it's not the cranky people, but just the list of things to get done, then I say strike some of that stuff off the list. It's unreasonable and you shouldn't have to do it all. If no one else wants to help get stuff done, then why are YOU doing it all? I vote that you only do what YOU will miss, let the rest of it be the other guy's job! (and if you need permission to do that, I grant it ) The most important thing is to remember that there is no good reason to be unkind. Plenty of bad ones, sure; but don't let yourself choose to do the bad thing, hm?

I pray that for every cranky reason you find to dislike something about the holiday, that you will work on a remedy that leaves you with a big wide grin at the end of the day. Just don't ring my doorbell and run away unless you are leaving packages!

Bless you all, dear Peeps, as we begin the season of Advent, and I light the first candle on the wreath.

Bless us all, Please Lord.

Things I've Done for Money (Pay)

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:32:39 GMT

Someone who is fondly called "Old Hat" has asked his readers to consider making a list of things they have done for pay, so here's my list. I'm going to be following who else posts theirs, cause it's just interesting!

1. As a female of the species I have done more childcare work for pay than I can count.
2. Farm work: house chores during summer. I did the laundry, ironing (LOTS of ironing) and kitchen cleaning while the rest of the family worked in the fields. Hard work, and long days for a 12 year old at the time. My birth mother got all the money. I never saw a penny of it.
3. Selling greeting cards. I found this ad in the back of the comic books I would read. You sent them your information, they sent you the cards, you sell them for their suggested price and send back the money they wanted and kept the rest.
4. Concession stand worker at a drive-in movie.
5. Waitress at a corner diner.
6. Factory machine operator and line assembly worker. It's drone work that I couldn't do for more than a year unless I was working in a dept that had frequently changing work flows. You are just a squishy machine, and not a person in this kind of work. Truth.
7. Pool Hall Money Changer (aka: Shill). Dress nice for the sailors who are on the Naval Base across the street. Don't worry if you knock the 8 ball in so that they pay another quarter to get the balls back. I had a LOT of dates, and so did my girlfriends, lol.
8. Circuit board filler. All done by robots now, even the soldering.
9. Gas station attendant.
10. Janitorial work.
11. Mother's helper. I even had a family pay me to fly from IL to VA (where they'd moved) and back, so they could have me work for them a second summer. Now they call that work being Nannies; but really, I did more housework than child care, since the kids were really old enough to just go outside and play all day. I did the ironing, dishes, laundry, all the housework, actually. Very little cooking though.
12. Housekeeper at a mansion for six years. I learned what wealth doesn't buy, in that job.
13. Microfilmer. I would microfilm checks for a major insurance company. I'm sure that's still done, only not with film that needs to be processed, perhaps.
14. Film Processing Machine operator. I learned a LOT about film photography at this job. I would load silver sensitized photo paper on the machine, and then a reel of negatives that were just developed and let the electric eye decide on how to expose the light for the prints that would result. There were other departments I'd help that would work on color or contrast corrections and such, and I loved this work.
15. Electrical Assembly. Just another version of factory work.
16. Student Trustee of my College, though you really weren't "paid". There were many benefits though with a travel budget and other wonderful events to attend and enjoy.
17. Customer Service Representative for many companies. Partly sales, mostly problem solving shipments or product problems.
18. Fast food employee. I think it's part of being a suburban teen.
19. Nurses Aid in Nursing Home.
20. Administrative Assistant
21. Corporate Administrative Assistant
22. Executive Administrative Assistant
23. Documentation Coordinator: keeping many documents up to date in time for compliance audits for certification for an automotive manufacturer.
24. Housekeeping. Live-in housekeeper for an elderly man with early dementia.
25. Resume service: create a resume for persons who needed one. Now, I do it free, but I include a set of calling cards (just one sheet of 10), and make sure they have an email address for me to send the electronic file of their resume to. I also help them compose a generic cover letter, and create some Letterhead for them to begin using. They always leave feeling better, so I really like performing this service.
26. Police Dispatcher: though I didn't work out at it, I did get paid for trying. The only job I couldn't succeed at.
27. Home Care Assistant: I helped some elderly folks stay at home instead of going into sheltered care.
28. Sales Representative for different home sales companies (I loved working for Christmas Around the World!).
29. Editor on College News paper, Writer on same - yep we got paid.
30. Student intern in college Counseling Department.

As I came up with this list, I realized that I have done a great many things voluntarily, and turned down pay for them. I've crocheted items for people, done elder care, yard work, house painting, some carpentry, electrical repairs, barn helper (stable work, cattle work), dairy farm worker, housecleaning, First Aid instructor for the Red Cross, Basic Water Safety Instructor for the Red Cross, ESDA member (dispatcher for crew members), stage make up artistry, VBS teacher, event planner for children's ministries, Director for Children's Christmas programs, sung in choirs and choruses that got paid to perform, Officer of National Honor Society, some interpreting for deaf friends (I know sign language, not so much lately though), and baked items for sale that were requested (pumpkin roll and cookies are the things most requested - and customers KNOW which ones are mine, lol) for fund raising events.

Life's been good, and I'm not dead yet, lol.

Giving Thanks

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:30:35 GMT

From Featured_Grownups: The United States celebrates Thanksgiving this month. Originally, it was supposed to be a holiday to recognize the good things we have and give thanks for them. Canada has a similar holiday celebrated in October, and other nations also celebrate similar holidays at various times during the year.

Option 1: What are you thankful for this year? Tell us about the blessings you've received or the tragedies you've avoided... or tell us about the little things that you're grateful to have, that are often overlooked.

I have been trying to think of how I can express myself in offering a list of the things I am thankful for. I think it's when we have to do without something that we realize the value of having it, so there are a great many things I nearly had to do without, that I honestly thank God for with a grateful heart.

My siblings. When I was young, there was a lot of neglect and abuse going on in my home of origin, until I went to my first foster home at age 13. My sisters are the major reason I say I am a survivor and not just a victim of abuse. My younger siblings who came along later are also people I thank God for, since without them I'd be "older" in many ways than I am. They bring me good things and moments of laughter and activity that my life would be much duller without. I also think my sisters have GREAT taste in husbands, lol. I really like all my brothers-in-law very much .

My foster sibs have been a blessing that I can't explain. I think that the biggest thing is that they are all friends for life. How many people have that benefit? And they have all contributed to my sense of thankfulness in different ways. Some of my foster sibs I haven't been very involved with, but I enjoy a relationship with their kids in pleasing and happy ways.

My sons. I can't say it enough: I was trying to be a good sport and face life as a childless woman who could still find happiness in life - and then I got pregnant! My niece once asked me if I had planned my children, and I thought about all the months where I wasn't pregnant, and then the doctors saying we weren't a fertile couple, followed by the first pregnancy and then more years of doubt and sorrow before his brother showed up. All I could say was, "Nooo, my babies weren't planned. They were WANTED!" I tried to be calm as I expressed that reality, too. NO, life wasn't perfect for us or them from the day they were born and onward; but I have NEVER wished I hadn't had either one of them.

My parents - each of 'em. Sure, we were all somewhat dysfunctional; but each parent spent some time and effort helping me stay healthy, learn my schoolwork, figure out how to maintain my integrity during challenging situations or times, and even believe in myself as a girl, woman and person. In any particular situation I might draw on any one of them for some inspiration that works better than my first idea.

My failures. Yep, you read it right. I am thankful for the things I failed at doing, cause it gave me the opportunity to stop working things in a poor way, and to begin again in a better effort somewhere or someway else. I have acquired a lot of compassion, understanding and real depth in my character because of my failures, not because of my successes.

My Successes! No surprise that I enjoy succeeding in learning what my talents are when I try something. I am sometimes joyfully amazed at the things I have not just done, but done well at. I don't need to review all of them at any given time, and it may be that no one person alive knows them all; but I know what they are, and so does God. We celebrate them whenever I have doubts about something new or intimidating.

My courage. I have written a blog about how people say I am so strong and how it irritates me because I am NOT very strong, really. What I DO have is courage. I don't fall away from things that might damage me, not if I think that standing is the right thing to do - even if it's pretty certain that I'll fall or fail. If it's right, I'll stand as long as I possibly can. My courage gives me faithful tenacity, and that's something that can bless a lot of people in my life.

My limits. I really don't like them, but they keep me human and humble. Whenever I want to get a bit too proud of what I can do, I will find out that something others can do with ease is beyond me to do. This keeps me humble, sympathetic for others in a similar condition, and more willing to be humorous about life than I might have been. It also builds an appreciation in me for others who don't have those same limits. I learn what they can do, and I will try to access their abilities where it's ok to do so. I don't want to abuse them, but I know there are times they might need to know that they are valuable, too.

My mind. I think that it's the one thing I honestly am trying to bargain with God about as I age. I keep asking if He will allow me to die like my stepmom: suddenly and without being in a diaper in a nursing home. He reminds me that He doesn't strike bargains like that and I have to trust him about the future. For now, I am enjoying my ability to think, problem solve, respond to my beloveds with complexity and affection as well as being able to refer to things I can remember clearly, even 50 years later.

My home. Being female, I guess I value my home more than a guy would. I need more than a room to sleep in. I need a sanctuary to cook delightful recipes in, a place to sleep with comfort in spite of my fibromyalgia, and a place to visit with my beloveds in with coffee or tea (or wine or beer). I would love to have a home to entertain my extended family in, but God knows I can't do that with things as they are (no job). So I am grateful - REALLY grateful - that I have my home!

My places of worship. I have two, as my regular readers know. I have an evangelical church where I am very involved with doing the stage make up for the Christmas Musical right now. I love the energy that comes from working with a team of talented people who might just need as much courage to perform as I would, and yet they forge onward. I enjoy the music, the bible study that I go to on Fridays with the elder leading us, as well as the Pastors and how they lead us. I have a Messianic church that I also attend when I can. I love listening to my Rabbi there, and how he teaches us about Yeshua's life and culture. How Abraham's and Moses' ways presented a Messianic view that was like nothing else in history. How David helped to preserve the Messianic seed, too. So I will begin celebrating Hanukkah on December 11th - in the thick of the performances for the Christmas Musical.

Because I can thrill at singing the She'mah as whole heartedly as I can sing any Hillsong chorus or 18th century hymn, I know that I am really blessed in the most intrinsic ways. I am not saying this is what everyone else should do. I am saying it is what I have to do at this time in my life.

I can go on and on, but all of the rest is pretty much built on these core blessings in my life. God knows how full my heart is with tears of gratitude for the generosity I see flowing from him to me in my life. Maybe something I am thankful for has reminded you of what YOU are thankful for. I hope so .

Bless ya, Dear Peeps!

Tagged - So I have to try...

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:29:25 GMT

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note blog with 25 random facts, habits, goals, or things about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. [if I tagged you, it's either because I thought you'd enjoy doing this too, or I wondered what your answers would be. NO problem if you don't want to do it ]

1) FACT: I was tagged by itsjustlexi to do this here thingy.

2) HABIT: I check my Facebook before my email, before my Xanga.

3) GOAL: to get a decent paying job that allows me to live in my own apartment before my Unemployment benefits run out. My last job was as a Corporate Executive Administrative Assistant. Just message me for a resume if you are hiring in the Chicago (Northside or downtown) area. I'm also just an hour away from Racine or Kenosha Wisconsin...

4) My code phrase for "I have to go to the bathroom" is: most of the time I'll just say that; but if I want to be more elusive, I have said: "I have to visit the smallest room in the house"

5) FACT: I love buying fresh flowers with strong scents like carnations and roses or tulips, etc.

6) HABIT: I always check to see if I have my cell phone before leaving to go somewhere, even if I checked it before I left the house. I think that's cause I've misplaced it before and don't want to again.

7) GOAL: Keep my relationships with my sons and their wives alive, considerate and caring. They are great people, so it's not a real effort .

8) Where would you go on a road trip? Now that autumn is on the wane, I might try going to GA to see my sister - but a month ago I would have gone to New England :).

9) FACT: I have a crooked arm due to a break in 2005.

10) HABIT: I always sleep with a cover on, even if it's just a sheet.

11) GOAL: Die before my mind goes, lol.

12) Talent: I can design my own crocheted afghans if I have the time and money for materials.

13) FACT: I quit smoking after being addicted to cigarettes for 36 years. I no longer crave them, either. I still do miss smoking a pipe whenever I smell someone smoking Cap'n Black Gold, though...

14) HABIT: I check my bank balance online every day when I have money in it to spend, lol.

15) GOAL: I want to learn Hebrew prayers better than I do, especially the Shabbat prayers.

16) Talent: I used to use deaf sign language fluently, until my foster brother moved far away. He is legally deaf, and the reason I learned it in family classes, free of charge. I'm really rusty now; but it wouldn't take much to get it back I think.

17) FACT: Though my husband and I are Evangelical Christian believers, I was divorced after being married for 27 years, and then separated for another 3 (so total married time was 30). It was an unhealthy marriage and he found someone who could help him get out of it. It's all ok now, cause I like being single these past 9 years. I love that I have two sons from the relationship, too.

18) I like: to help people get things done. There's nothing better than helping someone move for example, if the kitchen is unpacked before I leave :).

19) FACT: I used to teach First Aid for the American Red Cross back in the 80's before I got busy with my children.

20) I can: say that I am a gratefully recovering Co-Dependent, and have been working on a growth plan for a healthier lifestyle and relationships since February of 1994. God is GOOD!

21) FACT: I have had 8 parents (2 from birth, they divorced, they remarry others, add 2 step parents, everyone is dysfunctional, so add foster parents - twice.) growing up.

22) HABIT: I make my bed as I climb out of it. I like the feeling of the body warmth as I do it :).

23) GOAL: Lose weight, somehow someday until I'm at a standard size for my height.

24) FACT: I understand enough about anatomy that when I talk with health care givers they will often ask me if I am a nurse (I'm not, nor did I ever study to be one).

25) Something I have done: I have been a domestic servant in a mansion. I really saw what wealth can do, and what it can't.

Bonus: I served as a Trustee on my College Board of Trustees in 95-96. I learned a lot about how a group of people can make consensus decisions, though they may not wholly agree. I learned a lot about how people work when they serve without a religious agenda, and the experience gave me so much room to grow that I can't say enough about how it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Did you learn something new from this about me?

Holiday Memories

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 08:54:12 GMT

The holiday season is upon us, and regardless of your culture or beliefs, everyone has some family traditions about one holiday, celebration, or other special day. So, it's time to share! What special days do you celebrate? What traditions does your family hold? What is your favorite holiday? What are your favorite holiday memories? This is the writing assignment from Featured Grownups site.

I mentioned a Christmas that I don't often mention here, and it was too sad to enjoy retelling. So, let me just say that I really have mellowed with my holiday enjoyment. I once was an awful mess trying to make a perfect holiday happen which only made my family somewhat miserable. Now, I have only myself to celebrate with, and I am still figuring out what is important and what isn't, sometimes.

Part of the holiday activity with my early parenting years was going to all the parent's homes. I had 8 parents, and my husband had two. His didn't live in the same state, so all the visitations that my kids will remember has to do with my family. I'll explain as we go.

On Thanksgiving, we always used fine china and crystal or at least stoneware and glass ware for the kids. Everyone would have a chair to sit in and a place at a table. Christmas was the same way, as is Easter. Other holidays we will use the disposable stuff as much as possible! The meal was usually served at 2 pm, to allow enough time to travel, or the time for someone to go to church before they had to get their part of the meal and come to dinner. Everyone brought something for the meal, but the host family always had the turkey, dressing/stuffing, gravy and mashed potatoes. There would have to be black olives, but the desserts could be varied. In the last decade or so, there was usually pumpkin roll since my sister and I made them together before Thanksgiving. We'd always make enough to give some away as Christmas gifts, so the freezer was stuffed with 'em. She'd do the filling and I'd make the cakes. We'd both take them out of the oven as the timer told us to, and she'd do the rolling. We could both do either part, though.

Right after Thanksgiving would be Advent. The wreath would come out right after the Thanksgiving company would leave or just as we'd come home (depending on whether we hosted or guested for it that year). There would be three candles of one color, and one candle of another color and finally the white one in the middle: the Christ candle. One year we had three green and one red, but generally we did stay with the three purple, one pink and one white. I wrote about the colors and what they meant beginning here. I also mentioned how I used the wreath to keep Christmas from being such an insane time, and I still do it for the same reasons. I might do with out anything else, Christmas tree, Christmas cookies or even gifts; but I've always observed the Advent wreath devotions.

While I was married, we saved decorating the tree until Dec 15th, because that was our anniversary. It was the one thing that we could be sure to do to celebrate, so it was reserved for that day only. I would have the tree up and the lights would be on it, but no ornaments until the 15th. Then we'd deck the halls, the walls and anything else that stayed still too long, lol. I once decorated one of the kids who was sitting too still.

I have to admit something here. I tend to make a friend of the Christmas tree. I will sit down and look at it during the day and in the evening with all the other lights off in the house and only Christmas music going and I will move an ornament here or there, drape some tinsel in a better way or move some garland around until it's just right for the tree that its all placed on. Then I will sit and think over old holidays, what's happening this holiday, or just other languid thoughts about Christmas - and I'll even pray to God about the things I remember. But I will spend hours just looking at the tree with the lights on in a darkened room or during the daylight and just enjoy it. I would tell my puzzled sons who would wonder at me, that I was "making friends" with it. I think it was another way I would keep the pressure from building too much.

By Christmas Eve, the merry race was ON! Dressed nicely for pictures, we'd arrive at my first foster parents for their party. There would be a fire in the fireplace, my foster brother and sister with their families, lots of gifts and pictures and great food. My sons loved the time at Gramma and Grampa S's, since they were always child friendly and had a good sense of fun. We'd take the way home late in the evening, and tuck the kids in before hurrying to wrap final gifts for the morning. When the kids got older, we'd let them open one gift before bedtime (usually a nice robe or pajamas to have morning pictures taken in). Even later on, we'd let them open them all that evening instead of waiting, and you'll see why...

We never taught our kids the Santa thing, cause we were too poor. I didn't want my kids to think that they didn't get a very desired item because they weren't "good enough" (like my sisters and I had thought). We just told them that other families played the Santa game, and that there really WAS a man in history who did some great things for kids, but he wasn't alive anymore. This didn't always work well when we were in public :rolls eyes:. So, Christmas morning they would get up and open gifts right away. I'd try and get a breakfast served, but mostly, I was watching the clock. We had to have the kids dressed in suits and ties and in the car for a one hour drive by 1 pm, or I'd be in trouble with my stepmom for sure (that happened a few times, cause I didn't have the heart to pull my kids away from their stuff). Either before or after gifts, we'd light the Christ Candle and see the whole Advent Wreath lit up!

So, off to my father and step moms for Christmas dinner. We'd meet my sister and her two kids there, as well as the other three younger sisters. It was always the BEST food and great fun with really thoughtful gifts from their Gramma and Grampa Sr's. As the kids got older, we'd play games after the meal and dishes were cleared up.

We'd leave there about five or six and go to my birth mother's home. That was less comfortable, but we'd meet my sister and her kids there again, and some years there were my brothers and their kids as well. So, we'd all exchange gifts and take the pictures before taking the tired kids home who were more than stuffed with all kinds of food and goodies.

The next day, December 26 was Boxing Day at a friend's home in the evening in our later years, but for the first couple of years when my firstborn was our only child, it was the day we spent with my second foster family. They moved to Colorado after that, and so that day would be their day to play with their gifts until time to go to Boxing Day and be with their other cousins (my foster sister from that family would meet us there). We'd bring a hostess gift for the hostess, but we'd save our other gifts for passing as we'd leave so we could make sure that my foster sis and her family were gifted rightly.

Then, from Dec 27 th onward, the gifts were to stay under the tree until the child wrote their thank you cards out. When they were little they could dictate them to me and make their mark. Or, I 'd have them draw a picture of them enjoying the gift. Later on, I'd let them use pre-made cards and then write a brief note. It was a good practice. That was another good reason not to tell the Santa tale. They needed to know who to thank.

New Year's wasn't ever the same thing, so it's wasn't always much of a deal. Sometimes we'd party with family or friends. Sometimes we just went to bed and slept through it all.

On Twelfth Night (Jan 6th) - ahhh! That was when we'd "Pack for Egypt"! The Advent Wreath is lit one last time with all the Candles burning. Then ALL the decorations come down and get put away at once. I might have packed up the tree ornaments the night before; but generally - all of the decorations came down on that one day. I reminded the kids that Mary and Joseph had to pack in a hurry, so we had to be calm but deliberate as we put our stuff away just like they had to pack. It helped keep them from getting upset, but sometimes the stress of it all got the best of me and their father, (pooh)! It just seemed like there was way more to put away than there was to getting it out. Of course we put it up in more than one day, too.

What are YOUR memories about the holidays like?